"I Expected You To Be More..."

the hottest matcha martini in town, 2026

One of my favorite parts of my chart is having a Cancer rising, or Cancer ascendant. I connect to that part of who I am deeply. We tend to be soft, observant, emotionally tuned-in and protective. People tend to open up to me quickly and I enjoy leaning into a nurturing role.

However, it is also one of my least favorite placements when it comes to communication—specifically when it comes to meeting new people.

"I thought you hated me when we first met."

"I had no idea you were into me."

"I thought you were just way too cool to want to interact with me."

"You intimidated me without doing really anything."

These are actual things people have confessed to me once enough time had passed for them to learn who I actually am.

Usually the confessions come with laughter now, the kind that happens when people realize how wrong their first impression was. Because by that point, they've learned they were mostly meeting my mask, the very thing that keeps me extremely guarded.

The version of me that shows up when I don't yet know a person, a room, or what's expected of me.

When I first meet people, I am very, very shy. Polite but cautious, friendly but also hard to fully know. I'm receptive without revealing too, too much. I'm easily overstimulated and I hate the idea of embarrassing myself. I am also autistic and sometimes I genuinely don't have the energy to immediately figure out the vibe in a room, let alone jump headfirst into conversation.

There's always felt like this disconnect between the perception of me and the reality of who I am. There's this tendency to projection onto my silence before people get to know me.

Am I supposed to know exactly what you say to a stranger? What kind of conversation is appropriate and what isn't when you've just met someone? There's this invisible etiquette I've spent years trying to understand.

So most times, I greet someone with a smile, I'll even tell them I'm happy to have met them. I think I'm doing fine and that everything is chill.

Then six months go by and comes the funny conversation about how intimidating I was supposedly was at first, and I'm left sitting there wondering how we experienced the same interaction so very differently. It gives me goosebumps. How many people have felt like this and I had no idea?

I've even found out there were people who wanted to be friends with me but hesitated because of this. That part actually hurt, especially because a lot of the time, I too had wanted to be their friend. Meanwhile, I had interpreted their distance as some kind of rejection, as if something was wrong with me.

I started branching my thoughts out in every direction, exploring what the potential thought processes might be.

I have a good friend from high school who is a lot like me when it comes to meeting new people. Funny enough, she's a Cancer sun. She doesn't talk much, she smiles, she says the same things I would say—and whenever people met her, they'd later describe her as "cute and shy."

That was it. She was just shy.

It was actually my best friend who first admitted to me that many of the people they knew had shared those same thoughts with them about my initial presence long before anyone ever told me directly themselves.

"People either think you don't like them at all or they think you are just actually too cool to talk to them."

I remember that day and just swimming in this confusion. I then thought about my high school friend and the differences in how our quietness was received.

She is a 5'3" gorgeous white woman. Then I thought about how I am a 5'6" Black woman.

And I found myself wondering: can Black women not simply be...shy? Why does quietness so often become interpreted as attitude, coldness, or disinterest? Why does there feel like this pressure to constantly soften ourselves for the comfort of other people?

I went down another lane and decided I'd ask my aunt why she thought this was a thing. Her explanation was much simpler:

"It's because you're not a gusher."

And to be completely honest, that helped me understand part of it. I had people in my life that I watched meet new people around me and took in how they managed to display this insane amount of outward excitement in these exchanges.

I don't necessarily understand the whole idea of putting on a song and dance for someone immediately. I love meeting new people, but I also love listening. Taking them in on a grounding level. I like giving people room to speak and unfold naturally without feeling the need to overcompensate socially.

Ironically, the quietness is usually what gives me the time and comfort to eventually become more open.

Recently, I heard someone describe me as somewhat "different than expected" after meeting me in person for the first time, and I immediately knew exactly what they meant before they even elaborated.

Because lately, social media has added an entirely new layer to this experience.

I post photos of my life because I truly enjoy it. I like sharing my silly little moments, my thoughts, the beauty I notice, the things I create—even if it's only being seen by a few hundred people—I love putting in the work to show my life through my eyes.

It's an outlet where I feel fully myself. It's where I am myself.

So when people meet me after seeing my social media, there's sometimes this moment where they're surprised to find someone much quieter and shyer sitting in front of them than the person they imagined online.

And I honestly get this too.

Social media captures me once I am comfortable. It captures me when I'm expressive, playful, confident, opinionated, warm. But in real life, that version of me usually takes time.

So now I'm stuck between two of the oddest misunderstandings:

The people who think my shyness means I dislike them, and the people who meet me expecting the fully unlocked version of my personality immediately.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting there internally screaming, "No you actually were right about me! You have simply just met me during the loading screen!"

I used to hate the idea that people believed I was judging them based off of my shy behavior but I am learning this might be much, much worse. And it's not the only time that's happened.

How do I explain that this is actually who I am but if you just give me consist connection and about 3-5 business weeks, I can promise you the person from the Instagram feed will eventually show up?

Again, why is silence so rarely allowed to just mean softness? Or caution? Or shyness?

And at the same time, why does social media create this expectation that we should immediately arrive as our fullest selves upon first meeting only for people to feel slightly disappointed when they realize they may not have met the full version of who they thought we were yet?

There's probably no perfect or real answer to any of it. At the end of the day, we are all just humans thinking human things. Interpreting things the best we can. I have to give grace and I always will.

But after writing this blog last night, I decided to text some of my friends and ask them something without giving too, too much context: "When you first met me, do you know what your perception of me was then and what you would say your perception is of me now?"

The responses I received throughout the day genuinely had me laughing, emotional and comforted.

I love the way they echoed what I had written. Some surprised me completely.

Almost all of them had the same underlying theme: they thought I was intimidating, reserved, or impossible to read a first—and now they know me as deeply emotional, affectionate, weird, nurturing, funny and incredibly soft.

What started out as me spiraling over being misunderstood ended up feeling less like proof and more like realizing people eventually do see me clearly and they do it with love which DID make this whole thing feel a lot sweeter than I originally intended when I first started writing it.

I ended up quoting everyone because I love all of them so much, with their consent, of course, so fair warning: there are a lot of quotes ahead. Plus it is my fucking blog anyway. But they captured my point better than I ever could have on my own.

So yeah, this became a cute little accidental experiment for me! Feel free to read through the responses—or lovingly skim past them if you'd like.

"I think when I first met you, my perception of you was that you seemed very shy and you seemed very calculated and maybe a little unsure of me or I think that maybe was just a shyness like I wasn't really sure like how you felt about me as a person, you know what I mean? Cause I feel like you were kind of hard to read and now getting to know you, I wouldn't say that you're a shy person. I think that you're just maybe a little guarded and cautious. I think you take your time getting to know someone and that came off as shyness, you know when you're just kind of like checking it out and taking your time."

"When I first met you, I feel like the lens was specific because it was at a job interview and I remember thinking you were quiet so probably indifferent but also hot and probably too cool. Indifferent would definitely be the last way I'd describe you now but you're still hot—just now I know you're also a weirdo.🤣"

"I thought you were outgoing and uniquely and bravely yourself in a very graceful way and I still think the same thing now 🥰"

"I would say my perception of you is that you were super cool and I was scared to talk to you. It honestly felt like high school like I was a freshman and you were a senior, today my perception of you is you're very funny and never having a dull moment in life."

"Ma'am, when I first met you, the first thing you said to me was "I like my bags like this" I was bagging for you and I thought, "oh this girl is feisty, I like her." We kind clicked right away because we kinda had the same attitude, we hate this job and everyone here. You're unbelievably chic. You're so funny without even trying. You're just someone who anyone would be lucky to have in their corner. You need to write that book. It may be a series i need a hard cover copy of asap.🫶"

"I thought to myself- who’s that beautiful person? I want to be friends with her…but am I cool enough? LoL I’m so happy we became Besties- you’re like a sister to me now! I can’t imagine my life without you in it 💖"

"I saw you as gorgeous, introspective, and very self aware. In a way that I know is intimidating to some, but intriguing to me. I see you just the same, but I know now that you’re sentimental, particular, and details matter to you more than you let on. I know that is just a sliver of what I have learned so far. It is a journey to know you, which is lovely."

"I thought you were tooooo cool for me to talk to. 🤣 I figured you were shy but also just thought I might be too cringey of a millennial for you to accept. I thought you were beautiful and as a very lazy low maintenance person it made me too insecure to talk to you. But I have, I think, put it out there that I think you’re cool over time and slowly but surely I think we know of each other now and are on the same page about a lot of stuff. I’ve learned you’re super smart and much more open and vulnerable than I would have expected. I think you’re also a girl’s girl which is number one in my book."

"I remember the first two times meeting you, I was intimidated. You just seemed really confident and gave that idgaf energy like I genuinely thought you did not like me at all. But knowing you now, I feel like you put so much detail and attention behind those things that make you confident to ensure you feel that way. Even though it makes you freak out sometimes, which we love because it's really funny sometimes haha. But you're also someone who is super sweet and stands up for yourself and others when necessary. You love to talk and yap and I love that I can also just yap with you. You're a free spirit who's fun to be around and makes people laugh once you've decided you like them as a person, otherwise you look like a bitch who hates EVERYONE😂"

"I would say my perception of you then was quiet, well-spoken, intelligent and observant of everything happening around you. Maybe a little anxious isn't the right word and neither is scatter brained but someone who has a lot of thoughts running through her mind all the time, confident, calming, someone who is able to be physically still in a room of full moving parts even if internally she's not. My perception of you now, maybe a touch chaotic and you're able to direct attention without even being aware of it."

"You probably hear this a lot - when I first met you, I was like "oh this is a bad bitch", not like mean girl but I thought like "oh Olive is definitely like a popular girl." I got the sense you were a little standoff-ish. But eventually I thought you were actually just a little shy and awkward. But I started to really like you throughout our first initial conversation. I felt like you were level headed, down to earth when it came to other people but then you had this like sense of delusion when it came to yourself and I mean that in a complimentary way. And now it's interesting because I would say I didn't realize how spiritual you are, very like connected to the energies of the universe. I see you as an academic person who's passionate about it and learning. You seem like someone who always wants more, more, more—to learn more, to read more, to write more and like it genuinely brings you joy. I see you a lot softer and empathetic and sensitive now. Not that you're also not still a bad bitch!"

"When I first met you I was nervous because we were only online mutuals and I was always like "oh my god, this girl is so fucking cool and put together." Maybe like five minutes into conversation, I realized you were super easy to talk to and just as crazy as I am LMAOOO as I got to know you more now I'd say you're still probably the easiest person to converse with, you're definitely a lover girl with the anxiety of a prey animal, that's the best way to describe you. HAHAHA"

"Initially, I felt nervous because you were older than me and I tend to be intimidated by people who are older because usually they make me feel small and beneath them. You didn’t do that, and you also had a very confident aura about you. I still believe you have a confident aura, but I find you to be more approachable because I've gotten to know you better over the years."

"I thought you were a queen, majestic. I've always been in awe. But now? You're a putz! A fucking putz!"

After reading the responses from the people I love, I think what stuck with me most was a new appreciation for the people who took the time to know me anyway. The people who stayed long enough for the Cancer rising to slowly lower the mask. The people who waited around long enough to realize that underneath all the caution and overthinking is just a Sag sun desperate to laugh, ramble, overshare, romanticize life, be delusion as fuck, and apparently be—well, "a fucking putz with the best of them."

And really maybe that's all that matters, honestly.

Not whether people misunderstand us at first, but whether they're willing to stay curious long enough to really see us.

Still though, after ALL of this, I can't help but wonder—do any of us actually know what the fuck we're talking about when we first meet each other? Are first impressions ever really about the person standing in front of us, or are they just little stories we tell ourselves while waiting for someone to unfold?😂

Thank you to my beautiful friends, who truly made this entire blog and always come through for me—even when I text you the most random questions at the most random times. I love you.

xx

olive